Today I received an email from one such mom, asking for advice on how to survive what would have been her daughter's first birthday. After responding to her, I thought I'd share my response here as well:
What I tried to do for Riley's first birthday, was to make it a celebration of his life, rather than a sad day.
It helped that my son Ty was born exactly a year later (on the same day), so of course there were mixed emotions. But I didn't want Riley's life to be missed or overshadowed by Ty's. So we had a birthday cake in my hospital room (after delivering Ty) that said Happy Birthday Riley & Ty.
I also had awareness bracelets made with Riley's name on it. And sent them to all my close family & friends and asked them to wear it that day to remember him. And hopefully by them wearing it, someone would ask about him and they'd get to tell his story.
I took balloons to his gravesite and put a big bouquet oh his stone, then tied a single balloon on all the babies sites surrounding him (he's buried in an area designated for babies). So it looked like they were having a little party. I know it's silly, but it made me feel better. I felt like he was being celebrated.
Then on his 2nd birthday (which was Ty's 1st birthday), we had a separate small cake for Riley with a flameless candle on it displayed at the party.
I remember thinking that this could be a very difficult day for me if I let it. So I made a conscious effort to make it a celebration instead. I knew if Riley could see me, he wouldn't want to look down and see his mom sad. He'd be wanting to have a party :)
I hope this helps.
It helped that my son Ty was born exactly a year later (on the same day), so of course there were mixed emotions. But I didn't want Riley's life to be missed or overshadowed by Ty's. So we had a birthday cake in my hospital room (after delivering Ty) that said Happy Birthday Riley & Ty.
I also had awareness bracelets made with Riley's name on it. And sent them to all my close family & friends and asked them to wear it that day to remember him. And hopefully by them wearing it, someone would ask about him and they'd get to tell his story.
I took balloons to his gravesite and put a big bouquet oh his stone, then tied a single balloon on all the babies sites surrounding him (he's buried in an area designated for babies). So it looked like they were having a little party. I know it's silly, but it made me feel better. I felt like he was being celebrated.
Then on his 2nd birthday (which was Ty's 1st birthday), we had a separate small cake for Riley with a flameless candle on it displayed at the party.
I remember thinking that this could be a very difficult day for me if I let it. So I made a conscious effort to make it a celebration instead. I knew if Riley could see me, he wouldn't want to look down and see his mom sad. He'd be wanting to have a party :)
I hope this helps.
